Caught between the cold and the wave, My heart beats up again

I've been told that the blog posts are too long, which is weird because no one has ever even intimated that I talk too much... So, I'm changing again. Alas, my dear readers, fear not, this will continue to be a complete waste of your time...

 (Ok, this one is still a long post, but I swear they will get shorter)

Time Waster

Sporcle is not for the faint-hearted of time wasters. If you go to this website, you very well may lose the rest of your day because this is the holy grail of time wasting. Please proceed with caution. I'm also going to  need you to sign a form that releases me from any responsibility for what happens to you and your productivity level if you go to that website.

Article
It's sad because it's true. Old at 29.


Music
If you're like me and you get little clips of songs stuck in your head, but you're not sure what they are, then you've probably gotten the 10 seconds that introduce "All Tech Considered" stuck in your head. I researched it. It's "Tickle It!" by Mocean Worker. I actually really like it...

The Weeknd - "House of Balloons." Damn good

Video
Cooking and hip-hop
What a wonderful combination. Check out CrazyLegs Lunch Breaks Webcast

Anecdote (I'll keep this section at the end so you don't have to read it to get to the good stuff..)

So, a Brit, a Frenchman and a Belgian walk into a bar.... Actually, it was two Americans walking into the apt. of said Brit, Frenchman and Belgian, but what followed was their attempt to give me that whole "let's tap our cheeks together to say hello and goodbye" bullshit. Eff that. I want a full-on frontal assault that shows me how much you care about me.  Hence, I had to give a hug tutorial.

I am very serious about hugs. I learned how to hug from my mother, who is a very demanding and exceptionally good hugger and I'm going to exploit my wildly popular blog forum to teach you about my hugs as well.

I have three basic types of hugs:

1. The Comfy Hug

This hug is guy's arms over her shoulders, girl's arms around his waist and some time is spent lingering in the hug. For me, this hug is a sign that I am really comfortable around you and feel some kind of special connection to you. Or it's just because you're a lot taller than I am and it's too difficult to hug you any other way.

      a. The "Man, Your Boobs are Comfy"  Hug

          -  My friend's ex-girlfriend had exquisite breasts and giving her the comfy hug was like lying my head                    on an incredibly comfortable pillow.
.            -Please note that this hug is :not to be given without explicit permission and you should be sure to .              gauge carefully how long you linger.

      b. The "I've Had a Really Long Day, Please Make Me Feel Better" Hug
          - That seems pretty self-explanatory.

2. The Friend Hug (also often a hello/goodbye hug)

This is the "one arm over the shoulder, one arm under the other person's arm" hug. This hug usually means that I haven't seen you in a while. Actually, it probably means that I haven't seen you in a while because I haven't wanted to see you. This hug is often accompanied by a tight-lipped smile and possibly followed with a falsely enthusiastic "How have you been?" The friend hug is rare in my hug repertoire and it mostly likely means that we ran into each other because my mom made me go into Walmart with her.

     a. The "Hugging Male Relatives" Hug

        - this version of the friend hug connotes sincere emotional attachment without being creepy.

     b.The "Gymnast" Hug

       -  this hug involves no real physical contact, often employs only one arm and is sustained only long enough to lightly tap the persons back with your fingers, i.e. not really a hug.

3. The Love Hug

This hug is girl's arms over the shoulder, guy's arms around her back and may include light swaying. It's a much more intimate hug. If I hug you like this, it means that I'm willing to invest something in you because I've actually put in the effort to stand up on my tippy-toes and I don't do that for just anybody.

     a. The "Hugging Female Relatives Who Are Shorter Than You" Hug

        -  this is also how I hug my mother. No, seriously....she's shorter than I am.

Hugging No-Nos

a. Don't bend a short person over backwards when you're hugging them Why do you do this?!? Have someone stand on a chair and hug you like that. It's not comfortable. Just hug us. We're still normal people.

b. Don't pat the person's back. It feels condescending. This may occasionally be acceptable for two grown men who are worried about preserving their masculinity, but even then, it is still unnecessary. Just hug the person.

c. Don't give a weak hug to someone who is giving you a strong hug. Just hug me, dammit!

Here's a fun comic version of bad hugs.