In honor of my return to Boston for a few days to visit my friend, Greg, I thought I would return to the old ways of describing how I have wasted my time... Enjoy! (Unless you're not Greg...in which case you will likely not find any of this even remotely funny)
1. Played trivia
This turned out to be a complete waste of time because even though we had 4 undergraduate degrees, two master's degrees, two Ph.D. degrees in progress and a soon-to-be-begun medical degree under our belts, we got our asses kicked by the crusty old machinists behind us and the four "too dressed up for this bar and using a Spanglish name for our team" ladies in the corner. It was shameful. But not nearly as shameful as me loudly offering to perform sexual favors for the trivia guy in exchange for a few extra points (although said comment did receive hearty laughter from said machinists and those are just life points, people)...
Long live Team "Wipe Up That Santorum 2012"
2. Played Ping Pong
This would not have been a waste of time if it were not for the fact that I suck at ping pong and Greg, whom I would not describe as particularly "sporty," is freakishly good (and annoyingly competitive). I guess he just knows how to handle tiny little balls...
3. Woke up early
Turned out to be a complete waste because Greg and I still managed to work only for a total of 1.5 hours (45 minutes of which were spent lamenting the postcolonial subject, mocking Indian English, and railing against mindless, black, lesbian poetry).
4. Napped
Ok. Not a waste of time. Like, at all...
5. Had dinner with an old friend
Again, not a waste, but since I showed up ten minutes early and she showed up ten minutes late, I discovered the true beauty of how a smart phone can enable time-wasting. And if you have one of those nifty little screens that keeps the people next to you from seeing what you're doing on your phone, they can't even tell that you're watching Russian porn. победа!
6. Pretended
Ok....look, guy. You're super nice. And clearly a good person. But, I really don't think this brewery is the most appropriate place to launch into the details of the five-part, sci-fi, meta-physical, post-modern, narrated-by-a-ghost-until-the-third-chapter-when-he-is-killed-off-so-you-can-realize-in-the-fifth-chapter-(which has since switched from diary entries to a screenplay) that-he-was-never-dead, deconstruction-of-contemporary-social-ills novel that you're working on in your head. That's just too many hyphens. Stick to your day job of getting up early to get your hair cut.
7. Read "Real and Imagined Women: Gender, Culture, and Postcolonialism"
Do I really need to elaborate on why that was a waste of time? (Ok...it actually wasn't...it's a great book, but it would be a waste of time to you, trust me)
8.Watched Glee
This was, in fact, one of the most painful ways in which I have ever wasted time. It literally hurt me. The only redeeming aspects of this wasted hour of my life were that this show provides endless opportunities for mockery (so much so that at one point, my brain was so overwhelmed by potential abuses that I could not even speak and was reduced to merely pointing at a person whose condition even I would not mock publicly) and that Greg has an adorable propensity for finding me humorous, which he demonstrates by laughing really loudly and curling his body toward me until his forehead rests on my shoulder. I truly can not get enough of that.
9. Stayed in
I'm old. I can't start getting ready to go out at TEN o'clock!!! Wasted, though, because then I couldn't sleep and was still up until 2 reading Damn You Autocorrect (sigh...I miss you already, Greg).
10. Tried to come up with a tenth item
I'm too OCD to not reach what is, apparently, a universally accepted number for listing, but I really can't think of anything else about this trip that felt like a waste...except, perhaps, that it led me to attempt to revive the blog. What a waste.
Subscribe in a reader
1. Played trivia
This turned out to be a complete waste of time because even though we had 4 undergraduate degrees, two master's degrees, two Ph.D. degrees in progress and a soon-to-be-begun medical degree under our belts, we got our asses kicked by the crusty old machinists behind us and the four "too dressed up for this bar and using a Spanglish name for our team" ladies in the corner. It was shameful. But not nearly as shameful as me loudly offering to perform sexual favors for the trivia guy in exchange for a few extra points (although said comment did receive hearty laughter from said machinists and those are just life points, people)...
Long live Team "Wipe Up That Santorum 2012"
2. Played Ping Pong
This would not have been a waste of time if it were not for the fact that I suck at ping pong and Greg, whom I would not describe as particularly "sporty," is freakishly good (and annoyingly competitive). I guess he just knows how to handle tiny little balls...
3. Woke up early
Turned out to be a complete waste because Greg and I still managed to work only for a total of 1.5 hours (45 minutes of which were spent lamenting the postcolonial subject, mocking Indian English, and railing against mindless, black, lesbian poetry).
4. Napped
Ok. Not a waste of time. Like, at all...
5. Had dinner with an old friend
Again, not a waste, but since I showed up ten minutes early and she showed up ten minutes late, I discovered the true beauty of how a smart phone can enable time-wasting. And if you have one of those nifty little screens that keeps the people next to you from seeing what you're doing on your phone, they can't even tell that you're watching Russian porn. победа!
6. Pretended
Ok....look, guy. You're super nice. And clearly a good person. But, I really don't think this brewery is the most appropriate place to launch into the details of the five-part, sci-fi, meta-physical, post-modern, narrated-by-a-ghost-until-the-third-chapter-when-he-is-killed-off-so-you-can-realize-in-the-fifth-chapter-(which has since switched from diary entries to a screenplay) that-he-was-never-dead, deconstruction-of-contemporary-social-ills novel that you're working on in your head. That's just too many hyphens. Stick to your day job of getting up early to get your hair cut.
7. Read "Real and Imagined Women: Gender, Culture, and Postcolonialism"
Do I really need to elaborate on why that was a waste of time? (Ok...it actually wasn't...it's a great book, but it would be a waste of time to you, trust me)
8.Watched Glee
This was, in fact, one of the most painful ways in which I have ever wasted time. It literally hurt me. The only redeeming aspects of this wasted hour of my life were that this show provides endless opportunities for mockery (so much so that at one point, my brain was so overwhelmed by potential abuses that I could not even speak and was reduced to merely pointing at a person whose condition even I would not mock publicly) and that Greg has an adorable propensity for finding me humorous, which he demonstrates by laughing really loudly and curling his body toward me until his forehead rests on my shoulder. I truly can not get enough of that.
9. Stayed in
I'm old. I can't start getting ready to go out at TEN o'clock!!! Wasted, though, because then I couldn't sleep and was still up until 2 reading Damn You Autocorrect (sigh...I miss you already, Greg).
10. Tried to come up with a tenth item
I'm too OCD to not reach what is, apparently, a universally accepted number for listing, but I really can't think of anything else about this trip that felt like a waste...except, perhaps, that it led me to attempt to revive the blog. What a waste.
Subscribe in a reader
1 comment:
You know that your achievements in the "time wasting" arena are seriously lacking when an item called "woke up early" appears on your list of allegedly notable time-wasting-related activities. For shame. You're better than this.
Post a Comment